Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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