lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
