Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
