she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
