i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
