Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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