let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
