if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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