There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
