My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
