I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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