my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
