Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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