He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
