Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
