I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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