i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
