i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
