this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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