And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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