I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
