So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
