real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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