Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
