made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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