I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
