bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
