Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
