and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
