Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
