cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
