just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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