even my farts smell like vagina
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
