I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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