This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Found the puke drawer
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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