the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
