white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
