I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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