Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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