I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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