I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
