just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
