just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
