Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
