who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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