beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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