Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
