We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
