Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
