the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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